My First Day

“Why jump straight to exposing yourself to strangers on the internet?”

Today was my first day as a professional webcam model.  If you had asked me ten years ago what I thought I would be doing when I was 25, this would not have been on the list.

I went to a good college, I graduated Magna Cum Laude, I went to graduate school, and I got my doctorate.  After I graduated, I was accepted into a year-long, post-graduate internship program on the other side of the country.  So I packed up my house and my pets and drove across the country, excited to start my professional career.

Now, I knew going into it that an intern’s salary is only about one third of what a professional in the field makes.  But it is great experience, offers a safety net for your first year out, and it gives me a year to figure out what direction I want to take my career.  I also knew that the state I chose to move to has a very high cost of living.  However, I did not anticipate that the combination of those things and the incredibly high income tax would have me looking at my first paycheck and realizing there was no way I could pay my bills.  My salary is barely enough to cover rent each month.

But, you might ask, why jump straight to exposing yourself to strangers on the internet?  Well, there are a lot of different factors that contributed to that decision.  The first, and probably most significant, is that, as an intern, I work 15-18 hours a day, six days a week.  That does not leave much time for another job, especially not one in the field in which I already work.  Not only does it not leave much time, but it means I need to have flexible work hours, because I never know what time I will get done at my regular job.  The second is that I wanted to spend the time I wasn’t working at home with my pets.  They are my children, and my work schedule is already really stressful for them.  The third is that I am sexually curious, and I felt that if I had to spend all of my free time working, I should at least do something I would hopefully enjoy.  And I thought, all of those years sending nude pictures to guys counts as experience, right?

So, here I am.  I worked for an hour and a half this morning before I had to go to my regular job.  I didn’t earn very much money, but at this point every little bit helps.  And if I work for a couple of hours every day, I should be able to make ends meet.

I’m hoping this blog will be a way to help me work through my feelings about the whole experience and maybe share an interesting story here or there. I’m telling myself right now that this is only going to be a year-long experience to get me through my internship.

My Second Week

I still feel like this is a good experience for me.  I have over 200 followers and I am trying something new all the time.  I now have two “free chat lifers” but they are both really sweet guys and I don’t mind talking to them.  I am making enough money to support myself and to start paying off some of my debt.  I have had one heckler, but he was just upset that I wouldn’t take my top off for him for free, and he left my room pretty quickly.

My life off camera is a little more complicated.  I am still working 15-18 hour days, I am making about $6/hour (salaried) and my superiors are not kind.  They berate us for the smallest things, things that have no consequences, but inconvenience them in minor ways.  Yesterday I actually fainted during a procedure and had to be taken to the emergency room.  The doctor there said I most likely had a vasovagal event from the stress.

When I am on camera I am making a lot more money and the people have been really nice.  And I get to have fun sexual experiences on top of that.  It really puts things in perspective.

My First Onscreen Orgasm

Tonight I had my first real onscreen orgasm.  It is hard for me climax in the best environment (ie bottle of wine, lights off, my own bed, lesbian porn) and it is even harder with the pressure of doing it when asked and on camera.  So up to this point I have had to fake it every time a client has asked me.  Thus far no one has noticed, but I will admit it’s a little frustrating for me to get close, then have to fake it, and then have to get dressed and get ready for the next show.  So for me to climax onscreen during a show was a big deal and a bit of relief.

Story Time

In my bio on my company’s website, one of the things I have listed in my interests is threesomes.  I have never been in one but I honestly really want to try it.  I am bi and the idea of being in a threesome with a man and woman is a huge turn on for me.  I have recently found clients that are a couple and they are very much into the idea of being in a threesome with me.  For the sake of privacy I will call them Edward and Vivian, from ‘Pretty Woman’.  They are a BDSM couple where he is always dom.  They have discussed letting her be dom with me though, if we were to get together.  Usually I talk to one of them at a time (I guess it’s possible it’s just one person leading me on, but I have no way to tell) but every once in awhile they will be on together and will pay for a show.

Tonight I was just talking with Edward, because Vivian is out of town.  He told me they had been talking about me a lot and they really want to meet up.  They don’t live very far from me, but I have told them I’m not allowed to give out my personal information to clients.  He said he understood but he would try sending me a message with his information (I never received it, and this is not the first time, so I’m thinking my company screens my messages for personal information).

Edward really wanted to give me an idea of the kind of thing that I could expect if I were to meet up with them.  He told me that Vivian is really attracted to me also, but because he is the dom he gets to have me first.  He described having her watch as he had his way with me and then letting her have me afterwards.  He wanted to watch me masturbate as he described these things to me and it was a huge turn on for me.  I actually orgasmed when he told me she wanted to have a turn with me.

I really like this couple and I think it would be so much fun to meet up with them.  I just don’t know how to arrange it and I am not totally convinced it would be safe.  I honestly do want to have a threesome experience, but I have no idea how to find it for myself.  I’ve been hoping my company would set up something for me in one of the videos they produce, but I haven’t heard anything.  Maybe I will just keep thinking about Edward and Vivian and hopefully something will work out.

My First Attempt at Dom

Tonight I had my first opportunity to try being a dom.  I am always sub; it’s the part I most enjoy and it’s the part I’m best at.  But tonight I had a client that wanted me to talk him through a kidnapping fantasy where I was the kidnapper.  It was a lot of fun!

Story Time

My online persona is a nurse.  I’m not a nurse in real life but I do work in the medical field and I have the knowledge to pass for one.  So keep in mind that is what this client was expecting.

He is in the military and is living on base, so he wanted me to describe how I would kidnap him from the base and have my way with him.  It went something like this:

I am a nurse who was contracted by the military to fill in on base when their staff nurses are out sick.  I am administering flu shots and I notice him as soon as he walks in the room.  I am immediately attracted to him, but I have no idea how to tell him.  So I come up with a plan to kidnap him and have him all to myself.  When he sits down for his flu shot I don’t draw up the vaccine, instead I draw up a dose of sedative.  I administer the sedative and he has just enough time to realize what’s going on, so I have to cover his mouth with my hand as he starts to pass out.

When he wakes up he is bound and gagged in another part of the base where no one will find us.  I loosen his gag so that we can talk and that I can convince him he wants to be with me voluntarily.  I undo his pants so that I can convince him.  He tells me that he’s liked me all along and that I never needed to kidnap him.  So I undo his bonds.  But he turns the tables on me and ties me up and gags me.  Then he can do whatever he wants to me.

I absolutely loved this experience.  I really liked getting to try out being a dom and the client was incredibly sweet.  It was also just a fun scenario to act out.  He is in the military and is stationed overseas, so that added an element of excitement and romance to it.  I hope he stays safe.

My First Week

I have officially been a webcam model for over a week now.  It’s already been a crazy experience.  I’ve done so many new things and learned a lot about what’s out there.

I have been doing 18 hours a day at my regular job and then about two hours a night on the webcam, so I am exhausted.  Today is my day off from my regular job though, so I am catching up on sleep and chores and time with my dogs.  I am also going to do yoga in the park in the sunshine, which I am really excited about.  I will probably model tonight, but maybe I won’t do it for very long and I will go to bed early.

I think this will be a sustainable way for me to make a living.  I am tired, but it isn’t strenuous and the flexible hours make it so I can work as much as I want whenever I want.  I just hope I don’t get burned out.  My sexuality is a big part of who I am.  I don’t want to do so much on the webcam that I can’t enjoy sex in real life, when the opportunity presents itself.

My Second Date With Tom

As we had scheduled, tonight was my second date with Tom.  We spent a lot of time at the beginning discussing logistics.  We are caught in the middle of two difficult situations.  The first is that he doesn’t have infinite money to spend on my time.  The second is that I can’t afford to spend time with him for free.  So I suggested a flat rate per date.  That way he can budget accordingly and I can allocate as much time as I can afford.

I still feel weird taking his money.  I enjoy his company and the experience is as much fun for me as it is for him.  I have never been in this kind of situation, so maybe I just need time to adjust.  He has done this before and he says he is comfortable with the arrangement.

After we got the business aspect out of the way, we chatted for a little while.  Mostly about our perspectives on the BDSM community and the kinds of things we’re into.  We also set up the rules for our own BDSM arrangement.  It was all very exciting.  The only thing that kind of threw me was that he said he didn’t think he would ever be comfortable meeting me in person.  I hadn’t though of it in any real way, but to me it was an exciting proposition.  Maybe I misjudged when I made my comparison to “Tom” from ‘Milk Money’.

I did strip for him near the end of our date.  It was nearly five hours of camera time before he asked me to take my clothes off.  If I think about it in terms of hours, that is probably the longest date I have ever had before I ended up naked.  It’s an interesting thought.

My First Fetish Show

Tonight I did my first fetish show.  It was something I never could have imagined and nothing like what I expected when I started modeling.

Story Time

Tonight I had a client ask me if I would take a bath for him.  This is not that unusual and honestly, the idea of getting paid to take a bath is incredibly appealing.  My muscles are always so sore and tired from my day job.  So I said yes and he took me into an exclusive room.  He told me to run the bath and put on a swim suit.  I did both and then we just chatted while the bath ran.

That’s when it became clear this wasn’t going to be a typical bath show.  He told me to make the water cold.  Then he explained what he was into was dunking.  A Dunk Tank fetish.  Think of a dunk tank at a carnival, where the person sits on the platform and people throw things at a target that makes them fall into a tank of water.  That was this client’s fantasy.  He asked me to talk dirty to him as if I was on the platform and he was a person trying to dunk me.  Then he had me sit on the edge of the tub.  He had me get in, then dunk my head under the water and come up spluttering and gasping for air.  He had me repeat this several times, looking at the camera when I came up for air.  After a couple of times, he asked that I take my top off.  After a couple more, he asked me to take my bottoms off.  Then he dunked me once more before he logged off.

Overall it was not a bad experience, and I feel like it was relatively tame.  He paid for a long session and he tipped me well afterwards.  I find it fascinating the kinds of things people are into and I am so curious as to what it is about dunking that turns this client on.  It will be interesting to see what other kinds of things people ask me to do.  What if I discover I have a fetish?

My ‘Milk Money’ Moment

Have you ever seen the movie ‘Milk Money’?  It’s this really cheesy 90’s film where these young boys want to see a naked woman for the first time, so they pay a prostitute.  One of the boys thinks this woman would be a perfect match for his single dad, so he befriends her.  His dad falls for her and it’s a romance from there to the end.  It has always been one of my favorite movies.

I had my own ‘Milk Money’ moment today.  I was on camera and I got pulled into an exclusive room.  At first, the client just wanted to chat.  Then he began to subtly suggest we find a way to chat offsite.  This is directly in violation of my contract with my company.  If we solicit experiences off the site, we will be immediately terminated.  I was curious though, I had been enjoying talking to him and, like I said, he was being subtle.  So we made arrangements for me to meet him on Skype.

Once we were there, he offered me $80 for an hour of my time for what he referred to as a “date”.  How could I refuse?  That’s twice what I make modeling and I was actually having a nice time.  So I started my camera.  He kept his camera and mic off and typed me all of his dialog.  He is a dom in the BDSM community and wants a sub that he can learn and have new experiences with.  This is perfect for me, because that is what I enjoy sexually in my personal life.

Tonight we just talked and learned a little bit more about each other.  We stayed up talking for almost two hours.  He offered me compensation for my extra time, but I declined because I thought his original offer was incredibly generous and I didn’t mind staying on longer.  By the end we both agreed that we had a really nice time and we wanted another “date”.  So we made arrangements to meet this Wednesday around midnight.

I like to think of this experience like a “patron” from the Renaissance.  A man who pays an artist for her work and for her company.  I feel badly taking his money, because I did genuinely enjoy myself, and it didn’t feel like work at all.  At the same time, I can’t afford to take a night off from modeling for dating.  I’m hoping we can find a balance that works for both of us.  I’m going to call him “Tom” in my head, after the dad from ‘Milk Money’.