My First Lesson

Tonight I had to learn a lesson that I’m sure all models learn at some point.  Lately I have had a lot of clients interested in arranging off screen time with me.  As I have mentioned, this is strictly against the rules.  As models, we are not allowed to solicit any off screen encounters or to give our personal information to clients.  As I have also mentioned, there are clients that find ways around these rules.  I have made a couple of posts about my exceptions: Tom is my patron and Vivian and Edward are the BDSM couple that I am interested in arranging a threesome with.  I really enjoy them and I do give them a good amount of my time off screen.

However, lately I have had a lot of clients pushing me for my time and I have been a little bit too accommodating.  I was up until 0400 this morning chatting with clients for free.  Out of the five hours I was online I probably only worked for two.  I am already exhausted from my day job and I can’t afford to get any less sleep, especially if I’m not getting paid.  I have had a couple of clients say they will pay for my time off screen, but once I’ve made the arrangements and we’re chatting, they don’t follow through.

So, I am putting my foot down.  No more off screen time for new clients.  I can’t say no to Tom, Edward, or Vivian, because I do really like them and I think it’s actually been good for my mental health to have them, but I am not making arrangements for anyone else.


My Second Date With Tom

As we had scheduled, tonight was my second date with Tom.  We spent a lot of time at the beginning discussing logistics.  We are caught in the middle of two difficult situations.  The first is that he doesn’t have infinite money to spend on my time.  The second is that I can’t afford to spend time with him for free.  So I suggested a flat rate per date.  That way he can budget accordingly and I can allocate as much time as I can afford.

I still feel weird taking his money.  I enjoy his company and the experience is as much fun for me as it is for him.  I have never been in this kind of situation, so maybe I just need time to adjust.  He has done this before and he says he is comfortable with the arrangement.

After we got the business aspect out of the way, we chatted for a little while.  Mostly about our perspectives on the BDSM community and the kinds of things we’re into.  We also set up the rules for our own BDSM arrangement.  It was all very exciting.  The only thing that kind of threw me was that he said he didn’t think he would ever be comfortable meeting me in person.  I hadn’t though of it in any real way, but to me it was an exciting proposition.  Maybe I misjudged when I made my comparison to “Tom” from ‘Milk Money’.

I did strip for him near the end of our date.  It was nearly five hours of camera time before he asked me to take my clothes off.  If I think about it in terms of hours, that is probably the longest date I have ever had before I ended up naked.  It’s an interesting thought.

My ‘Milk Money’ Moment

Have you ever seen the movie ‘Milk Money’?  It’s this really cheesy 90’s film where these young boys want to see a naked woman for the first time, so they pay a prostitute.  One of the boys thinks this woman would be a perfect match for his single dad, so he befriends her.  His dad falls for her and it’s a romance from there to the end.  It has always been one of my favorite movies.

I had my own ‘Milk Money’ moment today.  I was on camera and I got pulled into an exclusive room.  At first, the client just wanted to chat.  Then he began to subtly suggest we find a way to chat offsite.  This is directly in violation of my contract with my company.  If we solicit experiences off the site, we will be immediately terminated.  I was curious though, I had been enjoying talking to him and, like I said, he was being subtle.  So we made arrangements for me to meet him on Skype.

Once we were there, he offered me $80 for an hour of my time for what he referred to as a “date”.  How could I refuse?  That’s twice what I make modeling and I was actually having a nice time.  So I started my camera.  He kept his camera and mic off and typed me all of his dialog.  He is a dom in the BDSM community and wants a sub that he can learn and have new experiences with.  This is perfect for me, because that is what I enjoy sexually in my personal life.

Tonight we just talked and learned a little bit more about each other.  We stayed up talking for almost two hours.  He offered me compensation for my extra time, but I declined because I thought his original offer was incredibly generous and I didn’t mind staying on longer.  By the end we both agreed that we had a really nice time and we wanted another “date”.  So we made arrangements to meet this Wednesday around midnight.

I like to think of this experience like a “patron” from the Renaissance.  A man who pays an artist for her work and for her company.  I feel badly taking his money, because I did genuinely enjoy myself, and it didn’t feel like work at all.  At the same time, I can’t afford to take a night off from modeling for dating.  I’m hoping we can find a balance that works for both of us.  I’m going to call him “Tom” in my head, after the dad from ‘Milk Money’.

A Delicate Challenge

Today I realized something that I didn’t consider when I started modeling.  The whole reason I started doing this was to supplement my income enough to pay my bills.  But what do I do when I have my period?  Do I take a week off of modeling?  I can’t really afford to do that.  Do I try to find clients that are into a blood bath?  Somehow I don’t think there are very many of them, and trying to find them would take time away from modeling.  Or do I find a way to make it seem like I’m not on my period?

This is a challenge.  First, I always have a horrible acne breakout around the time I start menstruating.  Second, there’s the associated bloating, cramping, and exhaustion.  And finally, of course, the technical difficulty of concealing all the blood.  There’s foundation for the acne and supplements for the rest, but my solution for the blood is to wear a cup.  For those not familiar, there are these little rubber cups for women that sit up inside the vagina.  I’ve been wearing one during my period for several months because I think it’s more convenient and it’s better for the environment than pads and tampons.  So I thought to myself, why not just keep the cup in and proceed as if nothing has changed?

This worked very well at first.  As long as all anyone asked was that I strip or rub my clit, everything was fine.  Then I was asked to do penetration with one of my toys.  I thought maybe if I was careful I could make it seem like I was going deep, but keep from dislodging my cup.  The client was insistent that I go deeper, so I tried, and that’s when I had what I referred to as a “wardrobe malfunction”.  Blood everywhere.

So I’m still trying to find a good solution to this problem.  Maybe I should revisit the idea of trying to find clients that are into that kind of thing.

My First “Free Chat Lifer”

Tonight was a slow night.  I spent most of my time in the free chat room answering questions and responding to the occasional request to take my top off.  And tonight I had my first “free chat lifer”.  It’s what the business calls someone who hangs out in the free chat and never buys a paid session.  He was really nice, and actually really helpful, as he steered the conversation in the direction most of the guys wanted it to go anyway.  My agency says not to indulge “free chat lifers”, but it was sweet and kind of a self esteem boost to have someone willing to spend all night in my room.  I will admit it did distract me a little from other people in my room, and maybe that’s why it was a slow night.  Or maybe it’s because it’s Friday night and there are more models online tonight.  Or maybe it was the guy who kept suggesting music I might like.

There is still so much to learn!  I wish it was easier to get feedback.  It’s not like our agent watches our stream and gives us pointers.  I have 60 followers and a 5 star rating after three days, so I guess I can’t be doing that badly.

Walking a Mile in New Socks

Today I learned that the company that owns my agency also owns a site where their models are encouraged to sell personal items.  Now, we have all heard of women selling their undergarments to strangers on the internet.  I just always imagined it to be on Craigslist or through social media; I never expected it to be this organized.  And I never could have imagined how much money you can get for a pair of used panties!  The starting rate is $25 and then there are extra fees for days worn and selfies wearing the item.

Needless to say, I went down and searched through the clearance bin at my local mega-mart, picked out a few things I liked, and posted some pictures to the site.  In my mind, the worst case scenario is that I end up with new socks and underwear, which I honestly needed anyway.  And the best part is, the money that I’ve made modeling the past two days covered the cost of 11 pairs of socks, three pairs of underwear and a new 33′ ethernet cable.  Oh wait, no, the actual best part is, I can write all those things off as a business expenses on my taxes.

The only thing that doesn’t appeal to me about this arrangement?  I can’t say that I’m thrilled at the idea of wearing the same pair of socks for five days straight.

My First Day

“Why jump straight to exposing yourself to strangers on the internet?”

Today was my first day as a professional webcam model.  If you had asked me ten years ago what I thought I would be doing when I was 25, this would not have been on the list.

I went to a good college, I graduated Magna Cum Laude, I went to graduate school, and I got my doctorate.  After I graduated, I was accepted into a year-long, post-graduate internship program on the other side of the country.  So I packed up my house and my pets and drove across the country, excited to start my professional career.

Now, I knew going into it that an intern’s salary is only about one third of what a professional in the field makes.  But it is great experience, offers a safety net for your first year out, and it gives me a year to figure out what direction I want to take my career.  I also knew that the state I chose to move to has a very high cost of living.  However, I did not anticipate that the combination of those things and the incredibly high income tax would have me looking at my first paycheck and realizing there was no way I could pay my bills.  My salary is barely enough to cover rent each month.

But, you might ask, why jump straight to exposing yourself to strangers on the internet?  Well, there are a lot of different factors that contributed to that decision.  The first, and probably most significant, is that, as an intern, I work 15-18 hours a day, six days a week.  That does not leave much time for another job, especially not one in the field in which I already work.  Not only does it not leave much time, but it means I need to have flexible work hours, because I never know what time I will get done at my regular job.  The second is that I wanted to spend the time I wasn’t working at home with my pets.  They are my children, and my work schedule is already really stressful for them.  The third is that I am sexually curious, and I felt that if I had to spend all of my free time working, I should at least do something I would hopefully enjoy.  And I thought, all of those years sending nude pictures to guys counts as experience, right?

So, here I am.  I worked for an hour and a half this morning before I had to go to my regular job.  I didn’t earn very much money, but at this point every little bit helps.  And if I work for a couple of hours every day, I should be able to make ends meet.

I’m hoping this blog will be a way to help me work through my feelings about the whole experience and maybe share an interesting story here or there. I’m telling myself right now that this is only going to be a year-long experience to get me through my internship.